Posts Tagged ‘Mel Gibson’

Don’t Touch Me Thermostat.

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010

If you’re like me, you miss the good-ole days. You know; back when the world was simpler, polar bears weren’t endangered and Mel Gibson starred in movies that involved shooting and high-kicking people in the face. Well, the polar bears might still be screwed, but at least Mel seems to be coming around! The small victories are sometimes the most important.

After his recent turn as a cop who beats up people in EDGE OF DARKNESS, Mel is also looking to star in a new spy movie called COLD WARRIOR. I know what you’re thinking:

This movie is actually about an ex-Cold War spy (that’s Mel) who must come out of retirement and joins forces with a younger (i.e. lamer) spy to thwart a terrorist threat.

This is the kind of stuff that I really dig! It’s a simple premise that is basically just an excuse to have Mel Gibson beat-up terrorists. I personally don’t think that Mel really needs an excuse, but I’m not his publicist. Anyway; the movie is also being directed by some dude named Shane Black who also wrote LETHAL WEAPON. This is a good sign.

Pillage And Rape.

Friday, December 18th, 2009

If you’re anything like me, then the news coming out of Variety that Mel Gibson is going to direct a movie about Vikings is causing you to have labored breathing, blurred vision and pains in your right arm and chest…at least I hope it’s the Mel Gibson/Viking news. I think I should lie down.

Now, a kick-ass Viking movie directed by Mad Max deserves only the most rugged and intimidating actor working today to star. That actor is, obviously, Leonardo DiCaprio. I know; I don’t get it either.

This news is equal parts awesome and confusing. At first you’re like “APOCALYPTO mixed with Vikings is going to be the best thing since that night I put a donut into a chocolate fondue!” But then the news comes back around with a right hook named “Leonardo DiCaprio” and puts you on the canvas of infinite disappointment (what a long and horrible analogy). I just don’t get it. Leo is the opposite of a Viking. When I think of Vikings I think of huge, bearded men with giant axes and stuff. Like this:

The toughness of the hat cancels out the skirt.

The toughness of the hat cancels out the skirt.

And this:

The Horrible.

The Horrible.

Not this:

Yippee-Kai-Aye.

Yippee-Kai-Aye.

Maybe they can hide him behind facial-hair or something so we don’t really even notice who it is. I guess I’m just going to have trust that Mel knows what he’s doing.

Though maybe I have this all wrong. Maybe Leo won’t be a Viking, but will instead be a member of a town or something that gets ransacked by Vikings. My mind finds this possibility acceptable! Go with that Mel! Just scrap your current script and rewrite so that what I wrote above is what the movie will be. And just so everyone knows, if that is how the movie actually is when it is released, I’m taking full credit.