If you’re anything like me, then the news coming out of Variety that Mel Gibson is going to direct a movie about Vikings is causing you to have labored breathing, blurred vision and pains in your right arm and chest…at least I hope it’s the Mel Gibson/Viking news. I think I should lie down.
Now, a kick-ass Viking movie directed by Mad Max deserves only the most rugged and intimidating actor working today to star. That actor is, obviously, Leonardo DiCaprio. I know; I don’t get it either.
This news is equal parts awesome and confusing. At first you’re like “APOCALYPTO mixed with Vikings is going to be the best thing since that night I put a donut into a chocolate fondue!” But then the news comes back around with a right hook named “Leonardo DiCaprio” and puts you on the canvas of infinite disappointment (what a long and horrible analogy). I just don’t get it. Leo is the opposite of a Viking. When I think of Vikings I think of huge, bearded men with giant axes and stuff. Like this:
The toughness of the hat cancels out the skirt.
And this:
The Horrible.
Not this:
Yippee-Kai-Aye.
Maybe they can hide him behind facial-hair or something so we don’t really even notice who it is. I guess I’m just going to have trust that Mel knows what he’s doing.
Though maybe I have this all wrong. Maybe Leo won’t be a Viking, but will instead be a member of a town or something that gets ransacked by Vikings. My mind finds this possibility acceptable! Go with that Mel! Just scrap your current script and rewrite so that what I wrote above is what the movie will be. And just so everyone knows, if that is how the movie actually is when it is released, I’m taking full credit.
