Archive for January, 2010

No Longer Hanging With The Main Man.

Friday, January 29th, 2010

If you hadn’t realized because you’re just too darn cool; a movie version of SHERLOCK HOLMES was released recently. It was directed by Guy Ritchie, did pretty well at the box-office and on a more important note: I enjoyed it a lot.

Travel with me now to the distant past, September of 2009 to be precise! That was the time that we learned that Guy Ritchie had been chosen out of, what I’m sure was, at least tens of other people to direct the movie based on the comic-book character LOBO. Now The L.A. Times is saying that because SHERLOCK HOLMES 2 has been put into the fast lane by the studio, Ritchie has had to drop out of LOBO. Awwwwwww.

I’m hoping that following this news will be the report that the LOBO movie has been junked completely because the synopsis that they gave was awful. And not like regular “someone beefed” awful either, I’m talking really awful.

Finish Him…Not In The Sexy Way.

Thursday, January 28th, 2010

For what feels like a million years, there has been talk of rebooting the video-game turned movie MORTAL KOMBAT. Well, the talks continue, at least that’s what Bloody Disgusting is saying. Someone named Oren Uziel is being asked to write it. You’re probably having the same reaction to this news that I did, that being “they’re actually going to have a script this time?” Comedy is something you either have or you don’t; no need to be jealous.

Being serious for a second, I actually have fond memories of the 1995 movie starring…umm; I guess you could say it starred Christopher Lambert? I was right at that time in my youth where anything involving over-the-top fighting caught my attention. Though Sub-Zero had one of the lamest deaths in movie history, especially considering he’s probably the most popular character in the franchise and I’m not talking about the Sub-Zero in the clip below (who had an awesome death and a great final insult placed upon him).

I always thought that there was a great movie to be made with MORTAL KOMBAT, but they should really aim for more of an ENTER THE DRAGON than a STREET FIGHTER. By that I mean, it all has to start with the creators taking the subject seriously and making a conscious effort to not make crap. It would also help if they knew how to properly choreograph and film a fight.

Know Your Stallone.

Wednesday, January 27th, 2010

I (like all humans who love freedom) am a HUGE fan of Sylvester Stallone…as I’m sure the reader of this site is already aware. Because of the lack of interesting news to report about, I decided to see what the Master of Action was up too since THE EXPENDABLES finished filming. And wouldn’t you know it, I learned some stuff that I didn’t know before (and knowledge is power!).

I will start with the strange, yet awesome, news that I found at Daily Mail. It appears that Stallone is not only an artist with a fist, but also with a paint brush. Click the link that was posted in the first sentence and you will be shown many of Sly’s pieces that were displayed at the Art Basel Miami Beach fair and a few of them even sold…for money! If you saw them, they’re very expressionistic and what-not, not exactly my cup-of-tea, but I will say that Sly looks damn good in this suit.

Somewhere in the world, a ninja is having a nightmare that looks just like this photo.

Somewhere in the world, a ninja is having a nightmare that looks just like this photo.

The other piece of information that I found came courtesy of some lady named Sheryl Main and her blog. Apparently, after shooting finished for THE EXPENDABLES Sly went into the hospital to have an operation performed on his neck. Let’s just hope that the doctor didn’t do the surgery the “Rambo way.”

No autographs!

No autographs!

Here is how Miss Main described the surgery:

From what he told me it was complicated and involved moving his trachea, putting in a metal plate and some very delicate maneuvering by the surgeon – the slightest mistake could have resulted in paralysis.

She isn’t too sure at which point during filming Stallone got himself injured, but it must have been quite the Karate chop to wound a neck that thick. Here’s hoping for a speedy recovery.

Sooooooo…Dark.

Wednesday, January 27th, 2010

It seems like forever since I posted something related to the world of action cinema, but this time it isn’t my fault…really. Honestly, there just hasn’t been anything happening. I mean, things are so bad right now that I decided to come onto the internet to type up a report about this story from Variety, which says that a book named DARK LIFE will be turned into a movie by some people who call themselves The Gotham Group. We’ve fallen on hard time’s people.

I have never read or heard of the book in question, but thanks to my extensive research I have learned that it is some global warming book about people living on the ocean floor because glaciers melted, everything flooded, polar bears lost their habitat and etc. There’s also a government conspiracy about something and it can only be brought to light by a teenager from the ocean floor and his love interest who happens to still live on the surface. Will they succeed and save the world from certain misinformation?! We’ll just have to tune in to find out…but the answer is “yes.”

This sounds like TOTAL RECALL to me, only you’re replacing Mars with the ocean floor and Arnold Schwarzenegger with some scrawny kid. I don’t find either of those trades worth my time. Your mileage may vary.

He’s Conan, Brah.

Friday, January 22nd, 2010

It is late right now and I’m afraid that the large amount of caffeine that normally sustains me is beginning to wear off. With that said I’m going to cut right to the chase. Some dude over at Deadline Hollywood has broken (and then pieced back together and distributed) the news that some-guy-I-don’t-know named Jason Momoa will be playing Conan the Barbarian in the remake of CONAN THE BARBARIAN. To put this signing into perspective, I have enlisted the help of the internet and together we found this picture of Mr. Momoa:

You got a daugher?

You got a daugher?

…thanks for nothing internet.

I looked through a few of the pictures that were presented to me and I honestly couldn’t find one where this guy didn’t look like a surf-bum or like he was high. Does this bode well for the King of Aquilonia? I’m going to say no, but who knows; they can do amazing things with computers these days.

This Time With More Webb.

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

Several news sites, such as Variety, are reporting that someone named Marc Webb has been signed to direct the reboot of SPIDER-MAN. I’m sure his mother is very proud. The new movie will be from a script by James Vanderbilt and will probably be hitting theaters sometime in 2012. Webb is signed for only one movie, but his contract has an option for two more if he doesn’t stink up the joint.

I already wrote about my feelings regarding rebooting this series, you can read it if you like. I haven’t seen the one movie that Mr. Webb directed called 500 DAYS OF SUMMER and I probably won’t…it just doesn’t sound like my type of movie. Will he make a good SPIDER-MAN, I have no idea, but it all starts with who he casts as the lead. I really don’t want this movie to suck.

If It Photographs, We Can Kill It.

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

If you’ve been reading this site (and I don’t think you have been), then you would know there is a new movie being created named PREDATORS about those aliens that hassled Arnold and Danny a while back. Well, a kind soul over at AVP Galaxy was able to procure a few pictures from the film set. I have saved a few of the photos and placed them below this paragraph since they have already been removed by the studios from the original site. Behold!

My fern!  Who killed my fern?!

My fern! Who killed my fern?!

<-- "I'm with stupid."

I'm with stupid.

My ketchup packet exploded.

My ketchup packet exploded.

We're looking FABULOUS!

We're looking FABULOUS!

Ask your Mom about my other gun.

Ask your Mom about my other gun.

Did I just ruin the movie for you?

Did I just ruin the movie for you?

Is that a camera?

Is that a camera?

Well you're not handsome either!

Well you're not handsome either!

Well, there sure are Predators in those pictures…yes sir. Honestly, it looks basically how I thought it would only a lot browner. Seriously though, what is up with the Predators striking a pose? It’s like there is a pandemic of Saturday Night Fever sweeping across the Predator planet. And why do they look like bobble-head dolls?

I still don’t have much faith in this movie because what made the Predator awesome in the first movie wasn’t the Predator (which is still a kick-ass alien design), what made him awesome was Arnold. You have to think of it in relation to the times. Before PREDATOR came out Arnold had only played unstoppable killing machines, like in TERMINATOR and COMMANDO. But then along comes PREDATOR which introduced a creature on film that not only stood toe-to-toe with the biggest star on the planet, but kicked his ass. This was really the first time in a movie that you could honestly say to yourself “Arnold could lose this fight,” not that he would because he was the star, but the threat was there. And that’s why the Predator was so intimidating; he whooped Arnold, but more importantly he whooped our perceptions of “Arnold the action star.”

But now, every time the Predator shows up and is eventually beaten by some average guy his mystique is lessened, not enhanced. A creature that can “almost” defeat the 1987 Schwarzenegger (he had him if not for Arnold and his log…tehe) is scary, a creature that loses to Danny Glover and Adrian Brody is not scary…that creature is kinda lame.

Sherlock Holmes=Reviewed

Friday, January 15th, 2010

In case you were wondering, I saw the movie SHERLOCK HOLMES the other day. If you weren’t wondering just act like you are interested so as not to hurt my feelings.

As is the case with movies that I eventually see in the theater, I have written a review that explains my opinion in a confusing and poorly worded way. Click this link to enjoy the English language!

The Ring’s The Thing.

Thursday, January 14th, 2010

I just did a quick look back through the Action Pants archive and noticed that I haven’t made a single article about the upcoming live-action movie based on the comic book character GREEN LANTERN. As a pretty big fan of the character, this made me sick. But I have taken a few of those chalk-like things to stop gagging long enough to return to my keyboard and correct this oversight.

GREEN LANTERN is about a test-pilot named Hal Jordan who finds a crashed spaceship with a dying alien inside it and because he doesn’t scare easily, he takes over for the alien as a Green Lantern; who are members of an intergalactic police force. The movie version will be directed by Martin Campbell and will star Ryan Reynolds as Hal. We also found out a few days ago that Blake Lively has joined the cast as Carol Ferris, a.k.a. the girlfriend, and that Peter Saarsgard has joined as Dr. Hector Hammond who is a villain with a really large head.

Are you getting my good side?

Are you getting my good side?

I can’t say much about the two new cast members because I really don’t know them, but I always liked the casting of Reynolds because he basically plays Hal in every movie that he does. The only bit of casting that anyone cares about that we haven’t gotten yet is who will be playing Hal’s arch-nemesis Sinestro. I’m hoping that comes along soon.

Spider-Boot.

Wednesday, January 13th, 2010

It would appear that the stories about the SPIDER-MAN 4 production problems were being generous. Word has come out from Deadline Hollywood that the entire production has been thrown to the curb and that Sony will be rebooting SPIDER-MAN with a new cast and new director. The reboot will take Peter Parker back to when he was a high-schooler dealing with teenage problems that we’ve already seen before. The new SPIDER-MAN looks to debut sometime in 2012.

This is both good news and bad news as far as I’m concerned (and it is my site so my opinion reigns king). As I wrote before, if the two sides couldn’t come to terms with what they wanted to do with the character this is for the best. No one wants another half-assed effort of a movie. It is kind of sad that Sam Raimi is leaving, because I like him as a director and I really liked the first two SPIDER-MEN, but I also sort of blame him for SPIDER-MAN 3.

I am pissed that they are rebooting the franchise because that seems unnecessary to me. I don’t want to see high-school Spider-Man again; he wasn’t that interesting the first time. It really didn’t start to get good until he moved into the city and started fighting guys with tentacles. And I’m just going to come out and say what everyone is thinking; origin stories suck. I don’t want to see Peter Parker become Spider-Man for the second time, I want to see him BE Spider-Man.

And now we wait to see who will direct and who will star. My guess is that they won’t be returning my calls again…bastards.