Archive for December, 2009

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Man And Hawk.

Monday, December 28th, 2009

You know when you’re drinking a cup of delicious hot cocoa and you finish it off and you’re reflecting upon how good it was and how lucky you were to drink it, but then you look at the bottom of the mug and there’s this black goop that looks like an oil stain that ruins your buzz? Well, that’s what this news coming from Pajiba, that Warner Bros. is looking to make a HAWKMAN movie, is like. Batman, Superman and Green Lantern are the cocoa; Hawkman is the goop.

Perhaps I’m being unfair to the Hawkman, but I’m afraid I don’t really know a damn thing about him besides the fact that he wears a bird mask and flies around on fake wings while hitting people with a mace. There really isn’t any other information right now, so I would take this rumor with a grain of salt.

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Gun-Fu.

Monday, December 28th, 2009

Promotional material for the upcoming comic-book movie KICK-ASS continues to descend upon the internet. The latest features a little girl who uses guns and something I like to call “magic-fu” to kill men three times her size. It also features Nic Cage…enjoy it below.

I think by now my feelings regarding this movie are clear. I’ve just never been a fan of movies featuring small children with no powers of any kind beating up adults who outweigh them by 200 pounds. Perhaps this movie will surprise me and not stink, but we’ll just have to wait and see. At least there’s Nic Cage to look forward too.

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Give Me The News.

Monday, December 28th, 2009

In what can only be described as the best news I’ve heard this week, Paramount pictures is developing Chad St. John’s spec script THE FURTHER ADVENTURES OF DOC HOLLIDAY so that it may someday become a movie that we can see using our vision. Variety says that the movie will be “a history-based action adventure tale in the vein of PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN.”

I have no idea how you can consider PIRATES a history-based adventure movie considering there isn’t anything historical going on in it. I’m guessing they mean that it is based in the past, which is true. Strange wording aside, Doc Holliday is an awesome character; at least he was when played by Val Kilmer. His portrayal was awesome because (since he was dying anyway) he had this kind of aw-shucks attitude about everything. If they base the movie around that Doc, then this could be a fantastic western. If they go with the lamer Dennis Quaid Holliday then they hate democracy.

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This Can Only End Well.

Monday, December 28th, 2009

Hey, do you remember that guy who played Morpheus in THE MATRIX and was really cool until he aged 20 years in ten days and got fat? Well, he’s joined the cast of PREDATORS as someone named Noland who Shock Till You Drop describes as pivotal to the “plot.” I’m hoping “pivotal” is a code-word for “sitting duck.”

Now, I know I’ve been kind of negative in regards to this film, but it’s not because I want to be. It’s because everything that I’ve heard about it has sucked. You can’t pin this one on me. Starting with the director who I wouldn’t know from a hole in the wall to the cast that includes no one that I care about…there’s just nothing here to get excited about. And now you throw in Laurence Fishburn as the icing on the lame cake. Wonderful. Fishburn has as much business fighting Predators as Danny Glover did, i.e. not much. At least Danny had Bill Paxton as comedy relief; who does Laurence have? Danny Trejo? That’s no good.

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Waxed Off.

Monday, December 28th, 2009

After a very lazy and uneventful Christmas, I have returned to the internet with guns metaphorically blazing. So what did I choose to be my first post-holiday “article?” Why, the trailer for the remake of THE KARATE KID of course. To write you the truth, I completely forgot that this movie was being remade, but it happened and here is the proof.

Maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s time that Jackie Chan took a break from Hollywood. The longer he stays in the studio system the lamer his movies become.

As far as the trailer goes, I don’t hate it. Sure, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of Karate actually going on in it and those classic cheap-labor/training techniques seem to have been taken out and replaced by “Jean-Claude Van Damme”esque montages, but at least it seems to be taking itself seriously. Hey, when it comes to crap like this, you take what you can get.

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Damn The Trailers.

Friday, December 18th, 2009

Because teasers just aren’t enough to satisfy the movie going public, here is a longer trailer for CLASH OF THE TITANS featuring a guy missing a piece of his skull and the Kraken and its unleashedness.

The more I see from this movie the more I’m interested. If they went with an orchestral score instead of the lame metal music, they would be in line for the award for best trailer of the year (a prestigious honor to be sure). A lot of the scenes in here we already saw, but I did enjoy the Kraken and the small glimpse of Medusa slithering along the ground. My favorite part of the trailer came after a bunch of action-clips showing scorpions and people jumping and stuff, and then the word “DAMN” pops up. I laughed a little bit because I thought the trailer was commenting on its own coolness. Like it was saying, “did you see all that crap happening and how fast it was occurring?! Damn I’m an awesome trailer!” But then it continued and I realized it was only part of a tagline. I was disappointed.

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Back-To-Back.

Friday, December 18th, 2009

We have seen a bunch of photos and such from the set of IRON MAN 2, but nothing in the way of moving pictures…until now! Bursting forth from the internet is a trailer involving robot suits; it is below.

That was a whole-lot of awesome rolled into two minutes. Though, I did notice that it didn’t really flow all that well. The trailer is moving along pretty nicely and you’ve got a good handle on what’s going on and they introduce the main villain and you’re feeling it. But after Whiplash whips stuff, the flow dries up. From that point it’s just 30 seconds of robot suits flying around and fighting random things. Not that it wasn’t cool (because War Machine’s Gatling guns swiveling and firing all over the place was indeed cool), it just felt tacked on. They should have tried to come up with a more seamless way of integrating those shots, but really that’s just me nitpicking to be an ass.

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Thor Is Russowned.

Friday, December 18th, 2009

The movie THOR will not be satisfied until it has added every living actor and actress to its cast. Its hunger for talent is unquenchable. Case-in-point, Variety is reporting that Rene Russo has joined the cast as Frigga, wife of Odin.

Rene Russo will probably be good in this…that’s all I have to add to the THOR discussion.

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Back In The Mutant Saddle.

Friday, December 18th, 2009

While talking with myspace, director of films Bryan Singer said that he has signed on to direct X-MEN: FIRST CLASS. Because X3 killed off most of the X-people (and all the ones I cared about) this new movie will act as a prequel, showing us the creation of Xavier’s school and Xavier’s early relationship with Magneto. Variety has some more details about the story, though not much.

This should be sweet. The X-Men movies just haven’t been as good since Singer left, mostly because the stories have been buns. X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE was definitely better than X3, but that’s pretty easy to manage. At least the Wolverine movie was entertaining, even though the ending kind of stunk. Color me excited for this movie and its eventual homosexual overtones.

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Turn Off Your Damn Blinker.

Friday, December 18th, 2009

The North American distribution rights (the best kind of distribution rights) for the movie DRIVE ANGRY have gone to Summit Entertainment. The movie stars Nicolas Cage as an angry man who chases down the people who killed his daughter and kidnapped her kid. Lots of people are eventually killed thanks to the above mentioned anger.

Now this is the type of movie that gets my engine running (If only you could think of on-topic jokes like that, you’d have your own site on the internet.). The plot is simple enough that if I have to pee in the middle of it, I don’t have to worry about coming back and being lost, but it also implies enough action that I’ll probably be pissed about the peeing because I would have missed Nic Cage hitting people with a car while ACTING. It’s also in 3D, so I’m expecting a lot of car parts flying directly at the camera.

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