Archive for September, 2009

Put Your Back Into It.

Wednesday, September 30th, 2009

The people over at Variety, have learned that Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is ready to star in the upcoming revenge movie FASTER. Some guy by the name of George Tillman Jr. is asking about directing.

The movie will be about The Rock hunting down some dudes who killed his brother when they were double-crossed during a heist. I like this premise; it’s simple and leaves a lot of room for hitting and car-chases. I also like that they are making it so The Rock isn’t technically a good-guy. He’s a bad-guy who is pissed that other bad-guys were bad to him. I think we can all relate to that.

I really hope this movie is good because I like The Rock and he has been making a lot of crap lately. I honestly feel that he could have seized the title of this decades “Action Man” if someone had told him to stay away from a lot of the movies that he’s done, but it’s not over yet. The Rock can still take charge and a solid revenge flick might just be the vehicle for him to do it.

Don’t Touch His Truck.

Tuesday, September 29th, 2009

Things have been pretty quiet on THE EXPENDABLES front lately…which sucks. But, every now and then a tidbit gets thrown our way and we (meaning me) jump on it like a starving dog. Well, today’s tidbit that is being jumped is this new picture that was given to Empire. I believe that it depicts a car-jacking gone horribly wrong…or horribly right, depending on if you support car-jackings or not. For the record, I do not. Enjoy.

They were like this when I got here officer.

They were like this when I got here officer.

If you follow the link above it takes you to a very small interview with Stallone where he talks about the movie in almost no detail. Pickings are slim folks.

Predators Updates.

Tuesday, September 29th, 2009

What an uninteresting article title. Geez, I usually strive for a little more creativity than that…I apologize to my reader. Any who, some new information has spilled out onto the internet like Bill Paxton’s innards regarding the upcoming PREDATOR sequel/remake/whatever titled PREDATORS. The first bit of news is that Danny Trejo (who is best known for being short, ugly and Mexican) will have a role in it. This is pretty standard casting for a movie that Robert Rodriguez has a hand in, so this was kind of expected. This came from an interview that Trejo had with Punch Drunk Critics.

The second and final bit of news comes from Latino Review, who got their hands on a copy of the PREDATORS script and seemed to enjoy it. I must warn you though; their review is in the form of an annoying video that will probably just bore most people and aggravate the rest. The basic premise is that a bunch of (I kid you not) “multi-cultural badasses” are kidnapped by Predators and dropped off on the Predator home-world to be hunted down by 3 “black super Predators.” There is also a planned cameo by Arnold, though I doubt he’ll actually do it. They also make mention of “Predator dogs” and “Predator falcons,” which is just grand.

This story has a few problems as far as I’m concerned, firstly, if these multi-cultural badasses are such toughies, then why are they kidnapped within the first ten minutes of the movie. Also, why the heck are the Predators doing canned hunts like some fat aristocrats? I thought they used the hunts as some kind of rite of passage/trophy hunt. Are there rich Predators who hunt in their backyard for easy trophies to try to act like their still just an average Predator while running for Predator comptroller? It just seems like a dumb addition and excuse to show their home-world which isn’t really necessary. And isn’t a seven-foot tall alien with a crazy bug-mouth who curses like a trucker and beat up Schwarzenegger scary enough? No, no, ours is going to be a “super” Predator! Geez Louise…this is like something I came up with on the throne when I was fifteen.

In summation, I am still skeptical of this movies merit.

Stat My Venom.

Tuesday, September 29th, 2009

An interview was conducted recently with “writer of movies” Paul Wernick by Sci-Fi Wire about the status of the SPIDER-MAN 3 spin-off movie starring the charred remains of the pumpkin-bombed villain Venom. You can read the whole interview if you want, but allow me to summarize…two scripts were written and now the studio is sitting on it because they probably weren’t that good.

I don’t believe he actually mentions the “weren’t that good” part, but he means it in spirit (sometimes you have to read between the lines with these Hollywood types). So there you go, a few scripts exist and Sony is sitting on them. That’s your update. Your brain is growing fuller by the second.

There Can Be Only A Handful.

Sunday, September 27th, 2009

It was only a matter of time before someone realized that no-one else had yet remade HIGHLANDER. Well, that time is now because Justin Lin is set to direct the new HIGHLANDER which will probably be a lot like the old HIGHLANDER only with more slo-mo and flipping. Now, I don’t want to name names, but I think I know who spilled the beans to Lin. You know who you are!

I’m not a huge HIGHLANDER fan. The original was alright, but it has to be the strangest casting I’ve ever seen. I mean, who the hell signed off on the French guy playing the Scottish lead and a Scot playing a Spaniard. I honestly think the premise functioned better when it was switched to the small screen because it made everything bigger since you got to see a lot more immortals and what-not.

You Wants Holmes, You Just Don’t Know It Yet.

Sunday, September 27th, 2009

The Hollywood studios are so certain that you’ll love the new SHERLOCK HOLMES movie with Robert Downey Jr. that they’ve already planned the sequel. Well, “planned” is a strong word, they’ve hired some writers who are probably eating chips and talking about how much they love money.

We do know that they are definitely considering bringing in Professor Moriarty as the foible. People who like to have meetings are having meetings with Brad Pitt to play the Professor. This could very well be the prettiest sequel in recent history.

Flames Are Tough.

Sunday, September 27th, 2009

If you read Variety (and I don’t know why you would) you would probably already know that David Goyer has been hired to write a sequel to the Nicolas Cage film GHOST RIDER. If you missed it, GHOST RIDER had Cage playing a stunt-man that would occasionally slip into a terrible Elvis impersonation who makes a deal with the devil to have a flaming skull head and fight evil…probably not a great deal for the devil either now that I think about it, but I guess everyone makes a stinky every now and then.

The movie featured some great effects work, but everything else was only alright. Can a sequel work? I guess it could, but they’ll really have to scale back the “Cageness.” I would also suggest that they have the Ghost Rider actually do more than just swing a chain and stare at people when battling evil.

Yarr, What’s In A Name?

Sunday, September 20th, 2009

We’ll put this in the “news that isn’t really that interesting but should probably be posted anyway just because” category. The next installment of the PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN franchise has been named…that’s right, it has a name! Be excited!

Arriving in theaters in the summer of 2011 is PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES. Let’s just hope it’s better than the last one.

Slingin.

Sunday, September 20th, 2009

After the apocalypse, the world will be a very snowy place filled with roving gangs who enjoy killing people and having Mohawk hair-do’s. At least that’s what the makers of GUNSLINGER think. It’s a movie that’s being directed by Chris Nahon and will “star” the king-of-bland Josh Hartnett. Josh will be playing a guy who, along with his brother, is hunting the men who killed his parents. This news is from Variety.

I don’t think I’ve ever been excited for a Josh Hartnett movie and that hasn’t changed. Though, this has a nice simple story that reminds me of MAD MAX, which is never a bad thing. This one definitely goes on the “hey, it might not suck” pile. It’s quite the honor!

Love The Hancock.

Sunday, September 20th, 2009

A few years ago, a film was created that was named HANCOCK. It starred Will Smith as a super-hero who was kind of a jerk, but really had a “heart of gold.” It was a pretty OK movie if you can ignore the horrible ending and silly mid-movie fight that didn’t make any sense except that they were hitting the middle part of the movie and needed to have a fight scene.

Well if you were staying up at night wondering if Hancock ever acclimated to life in NYC or whether anyone ever took some whiteout to that heart symbol on the moon, you’re in luck. The director Peter Berg and the important cast members (that’s Will Smith and Charlize Theron) are all ready to return for HANCOCK 2: LIVE FREE OR HANCOCK according to MTV.

I can’t see this movie being any good…sorry; I know that has to burn. The best part of the first one was the beginning where Hancock was an asshole and he had to struggle to overcome his vices. But now that he’s sober and his life is back in order all that’s left is the crap that stunk. Now, I may be alone on this, but I hate crap…especially the stinky kind.