Archive for August, 2009

More Spawning.

Tuesday, August 25th, 2009

Back in the mystical time known as “the 90′s” a guy by the name of Todd McFarlane decided that he was sick of drawing Spider-Man comics so he started his own comic company with some other guys. He then went on to create…not a whole lot, but he did make a character called Spawn, who was a demon guy who had a big cape and could make chains appear out of thin air. It was a big success for a while, but then a live-action movie was made and it lacked the edge that the comic had (like naked people and gore) so it failed. Spawn was defeated.

Well, it looks like Todd has decided to get back up on the demon horse. According to Coming Soon, he has begun writing a screenplay for a new SPAWN movie. He says that this new movie won’t be a redo or a continuation of the other movie, but will just be a stand-alone story…hopefully with naked people and gore.

My suggestion would be to take this news with a grain of salt, or a mound of salt if you can find one. Don’t go out of your way to find a mound of salt though, beyond this particular instance, it wouldn’t really come in handy. It’s not that I don’t trust McFarlane (I’m sure he is actually working on a screenplay), it’s just that it takes more than a screenplay to actually get a movie made…like money, for instance.

I like Spawn though; I remember watching the cartoon that was on HBO back in the day and it was really awesome. It always puzzled me why they sissified the story for the big movie, but I guess they just wanted to make sure they were able to get the children in the seats. I was also puzzled why the devil’s mouth never moved in the film (it just hung there like a dishwasher door). Another go-around definitely wouldn’t be a bad thing.

Inception Mania.

Tuesday, August 25th, 2009

If you’re like me, you’ve been chomping-at-the-bit to watch a movie trailer that confuses you and features repetitive electronic-drum beats. Well, we’re both in luck because here comes INCEPTION from Christopher Nolan. It stars Leonardo DiCaprio as a guy who likes to look at things. Enjoy it if you wish.

After studying the trailer for a good 2 minutes or so, I still don’t really know what’s going on. I’m assuming that this is some kind of NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET type of movie where Leo has to fight people inside his dreams only instead of using bad puns, the bad guy engages him in MATRIXesque combat.

Who’s The King?

Sunday, August 23rd, 2009

Many, many years ago there was a guy named Arthur who found a sword in a lake and this fact allowed him to rule a country and force grown men to fetch his dining ware. All this was well documented in the 1981 movie EXCALIBUR by John Boorman. Well, in case you can’t find the original in your local video rental store or on the vastness of the internet, Bryan Singer has decided to remake it and put it once again in the movie theaters. This sad news comes from The Hollywood Reporter.

I haven’t seen EXCALIBUR in years, but I remember it being pretty awesome and extremely muddy. I like Bryan Singer as a director, but this worries me because he seems to have a ton of remakes lined-up and remakes are the turkey-bacon of films (it might be kind of tasty, but it’s never as good as the original).

Hide The Kibble.

Friday, August 21st, 2009

Earlier today I was sitting around and I really wanted a Klondike Bar; instead I got the new trailer for THE WOLFMAN…needless to say I was dissappointed. The movie stars Benicio Del Toro as the mangy one. Enjoy it below.

That trailer really has atmosphere to spare and by atmosphere I mean fog. Then again, it is London. Now, I’m no globetrotter or anything, but it’s my understanding that it is foggy 23/7 in England and the other hour it is raining. No wonder the Queen always looks so miserable.

Smurfs…Re-imagined.

Thursday, August 20th, 2009

There really hasn’t been much press about the movie AVATAR outside of nerd websites, so let me give you the skinny. Basically there’s a guy in the future who gets crippled somehow and even after 1000′s of years, we still haven’t figured out how to heal a spinal cord injury so he decides to get his brain implanted in a test tube alien so he can go to an alien world with useable legs and hang around. He eventually falls in love with some tall blue cat-chick and then decides to fight against the invading humans who have robot suits and bumble bee looking helicopter things with yelling and dragons.

Thanks to the wonders of the internet, you can view the trailer for this thing for yourself. You may do so by clicking this link.

As trailers that don’t really tell you anything go, that was pretty good. I think whoever put it together was a little too up the landscape designers butt since they spent a good portion of the beginning just showing trees, space stations and floating rocks. I get it, it doesn’t take place on Earth…mission accomplished. The dragons fighting the jets looked good, I just hope there’s more to the movie than that.

Trent Dilfer On Brett Favre.

Tuesday, August 18th, 2009

I’m afraid that I’m going to have to hijack my own website for an entry to talk about my favorite pastime, FOOTBALL. I think we can all agree that FOOTBALL is by far the best sport in the history of history - easily beating out baseball and Scottish rock tossing. Well, I listen to a lot of NFL commentary because I’m genuinely interested and because it makes me feel better about myself because I’m obviously smarter than 90% of the analysts currently populating the various forms of media.

While driving to work the other day, I turned my radio to ESPN to check in on Sports Center or whatever. Unfortunately though, The Herd was on with its grating and pompous host, Colin Cowherd who was interviewing Trent Dilfer; whom, ESPN tells me, is a football expert. The topic of the day was Brett Favre and his signing with the Minnesota Vikings. The conversation was flowing as smoothly as one might expect until Colin asked Trent about how he thought Brett would get along with his new teammates considering that after his year with the Jets, one of his teammates was upset with him, saying that he was “distant” toward the players and didn’t like to socialize with them and such.

Trent, not being Brett Favre, not being in the Jets locker room last season and knowing basically nothing of the situation in general, threw in these “thoughts.”

You gotta understand, he’s a 40 year old man, got growing kids; I think he has a kid in college this year, um, and he’s dealing with college age kids many times, and definitely college age mentality kids. It’s, it’s he doesn’t relate well to a lot of his teammates and that’s not his fault.

I’m going to stop things right here and just point out that if Brett Favre has a “kid” in college who, I assume, is “college age” he should have a pretty good understanding of the “college kid” mentality.

I think it’s an indictment on the NFL more than it’s a indictment on Brett Favre. Um, there’s very immature players in the National Football League, guys that, you know, concentrate more on their Madden prowess than on their prowess on Sunday.

Hi, it’s me again. I just wanted to pipe in and say that I really have no idea what Trent is saying here. I think he’s upset that players are recruited out of college and that they aren’t forced to get “real” jobs – i.e. sitting in a room in Connecticut talking about a game – before entering the league.

I’m also not certain, but I think Trent Dilfer is accusing professional football players of focusing more on advancing their “skills” in a video-game than on playing football. I’m not an expert on all things football, but if these guys were spending all their time playing video-games and eating corn-dogs (they go hand-in-hand) they would look like me and get killed. I’m pretty sure this is just Trent’s way of being “edgy” but really he just comes off like your 80 year-old grandfather who can’t figure out how the cable box works and won’t stop talking about rap music like it’s a witch that should be burned at the stake.

Um, and Brett has a hard time relating to those types of people and I think that’s what happened with the Jets and then we give some of those players a forum to talk about Brett Favre, a platform to talk about Brett Favre, as if he was an island when yet these were the ones that are probably more socially dysfunctional than him.

One of the critics of Brett Favre was running back Thomas Jones, who rushed for 4.5 yards-per-attempt (ninth in the NFL) and 1312 total yards (fifth in the NFL) in 2008. He didn’t like Favre because Mr. Mature, aka Favre, played with a bicep injury (that would later require surgery) and was awful during the last few games of the season because of it. This helped cause the Jets late season collapse. I’m not Thomas Jones, but if I were, I’d be pretty pissed that Trent Dilfer just called me “socially dysfunctional,” especially when my reasons for talking were reasonable and legitimate.

With Minnesota he doesn’t have that problem, he’s got the Steve Hutchinson’s, the William’s, he’s got older, more mature guys that have been through the battles of the National Football League and they’ve weathered the storms of life that he relates more too.

This right here is the absolute epitome of “I don’t have a clue what I’m talking about, and I hope no one actually looks this up or they’ll call me out on my bullshit.” During the 2008 season, the average age of a player on the Jets was 27.9 years-old which was seventh OLDEST. They also had eight starters who were thirty years-old or older, which was tied for second highest in the league (Washington had the most starters over thirty with nine). This information, literally, took me about five seconds to find on Google and I’m not being paid to know and research football things…you know, like an analyst is. Included with this group of young and immature college-minded players was:

Player                            Age

Tony Richardson       37

Laveranues Coles      31

Alan Faneca                 32

Damien Woody            31

Maybe Trent is talking about Dustin Keller…the only rookie who started a game on offense. Way to make Brett feel bad Dustin. I hope you’re real proud of yourself you meanie.

But really, Brett must be thanking his lucky stars that he’ll finally be playing with people his own age like Steve Hutchinson (31 years-old) and the Williamses (Pat is 36 and Kevin is 28).

After this pile of thought, Trent was asked about how Brett will fit into the “run first” style of play that the Vikings like on offense. In normal Trent fashion he said that the Vikings have to make sure to continue to run the ball even when opposing defenses are in obvious run-stopping looks and not have Brett Favre do what he was brought there to do. Trent Dilfer is dumb.

Willis Is Expendable.

Tuesday, August 18th, 2009

In the realm of “movies that will be good” few films are as hotly anticipated as Sylvester Stallone’s THE EXPENDABLES. There’s been a rumor circulating for a while that Bruce Willis would find his way onto the set in some kind of acting or spiritual-healer capacity. Well prepare to jump off of a building with a fire hose wrapped around your stomach in excitement because Willis himself has confirmed to MTV that he will definitely be appearing in the movie, but not only that, his scene will also involve Sly and Arnold. Could this be the greatest and most muscular scene in the history of cinema? I don’t know, but I’m going to bring a cup to the theaters just in case it tries to kick me in the softies.

In a related bit of news, you can catch some brief glimpses of the film in a little promo thing that Sly did for an upcoming UFC event in between bench pressing fridges. Most of the shots are of Randy Couture, who will be fighting in UFC 102, but at least it’s something. Stop being so picky.

There’s Nothing Quite Like A Predator In September.

Monday, August 17th, 2009

As most of you who read this site know (anyone? anyone at all?) there is a new PREDATOR movie being made by Nimrod Antal and the dried awful that is Troublemaker Studios. Just so you know they’re serious, Production Weekly is reporting that the movie will start “filming” on September 28th.

I have actually been staring at this bit of news for the last fifteen minutes trying to decide whether I should post it. I usually hate posting stupid crap like this because it really doesn’t matter. All two of us know the movie was going to be made; so does it matter that we know the exact day and time that the caterer will arrive? But after mulling it over, I decided to post it because it was already written and I’m lazy. It was quite the double-edged sword.

Super-Wrangling.

Sunday, August 16th, 2009

A lot of crap has been going on regarding who owns the rights to Superman and various things super-related. Me, being a huge Superman fan, have been keeping my ear to the trail while listening for the approaching buffalo that signal a new “S” movie. Terrible analogies aside, let me bestow upon you some things that have happened recently.

The heirs of Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster got a court ruling in their favor that said effective 2013, they will own the full copyright to Action Comics #1, which allows them the right to take Superman to other companies besides Warner Bros. to make movies and shows and stuff. If Warner Bros. gets a movie greenlit and rolling by 2011 then they will retain the rights to the character in that particular medium. This is pretty good because it forces the studio to stop dragging their damn feet and get a new movie going. Of course, Warner’s could still do a movie afterward, but they’d have to pay.

After that court ruling, the courts also gave the heirs the copyrights to other comics and newspaper strips after Action Comics #1. This includes Superman’s origins and all that implies, like the planet Krypton, his parents, baby-in-a-rocket-ship, etc. So, once again, if Warners wants to put that stuff in a movie, they have to pay, though it would be more realistic for them to just forget it and make a movie with Superman already being Super and stuff.

So what does all this mean; I have no idea. I hope it means that Warners will fast-track a new movie that will say “we don’t need no stinkin’ origin story” and get right to some punching and laser-vision. But, then again, it might mean that things will drag and then legal actions will keep getting put forth and we don’t see Superman on the big screen for another twenty years. I’m hoping for the fast-tracking one. You should be too.

Claws And Swords.

Sunday, August 16th, 2009

I never did get out to the theaters to see X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE and I’m not sure if that was a bad thing or a good thing. Anyway, for the few who did see it and confess (out loud even) to enjoying it, a dude by the name of Christopher McQuarrie has been given the task of writing the sequel. Hugh Jackman will also be returning as the title guy. This news comes from The Hollywood Reporter.

The story for the sequel will involve Wolverine going to Japan and deciding whether he wants to kill tons of stuff and drink or follow the Samurai code of honor. He will also fight ninjas.

That sounds like a pretty good movie to me, but people tell me I have terrible taste…I don’t like people.