Archive for July, 2009

I Got Tron In My Spam Filter.

Thursday, July 30th, 2009

I don’t really remember if TRON can be considered an action movie or not…it’s been a long time since I’ve seen it. I mostly just remember light cycles that turned at 90 degree angles and guys playing handball in glow-in-the-dark jumpsuits. With that said; I figured I should err on the side of caution and post a link to some test footage that was shown at the recent Comic Convention in San Diego for the 27-years-to-late sequel, TRON LEGACY. Click this virus free link.

Yup, that looks like TRON. You can instantly see the huge advances that technology has taken because the light cycles don’t just move in straight lines anymore. My brain is going to explode! In all seriousness, that was a pretty funny little clip. Every time they showed a head floating in a motorcycle helmet like Jambi the Genie from PEE-WEE’S PLAYHOUSE I would laugh so hard I almost wet myself.

I can't tell them apart.

I can't tell them apart.

I need to get the wet/dry vac.

Marvelous Anime.

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009

In an effort to make more money, Marvel Entertainment has decided to create new anime shows starring Iron Man and Wolverine. The shows are being animated by Madhouse, with stories being written by comic book writer Warren Ellis before being scripted by someone overseas. And thanks to the wonders of the internet, we can watch trailers for each show.

Well, the Iron Man show looks really awesome, but the Wolverine one looks awful. If it wasn’t for the fact that I was told that it was a Wolverine cartoon I would have thought it was just another generic samurai anime starring an effeminate hero with marketable weapons. I also find it funny how the still from the Wolverine embed is some ladies crotch that doesn’t even appear in the trailer.

Avengers Assembled

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009

The people over at i09 (at least I hope they’re people), snagged an interview with Kevin Feige who moonlights as a producer of Marvel movies and daylights as God-knows-what. In the interview they asked him about which spandex-clad men will be appearing in THE AVENGERS movie and this is what he said.

I think it’s going to be Iron Man and Thor, Captain America and Nick Fury. I think it’s safe to assume that there will be some members of the Hulk universe in the film as well. In terms of the additional I think Black Widow, sure. The SHIELD organization for sure. What’s exciting, for me, about The Avengers movie is seeing those four characters interact with each other. I think anywhere from the first issues of The Avengers to Civil War the dynamic between Steve Rogers and Tony Stark is just awesome, it’s fascinating. It brings out sides in others that won’t be brought out in the other franchises. Going forward with the mix is a whole other thing, I think it will be cool. So to pile on another 15 or 10, frankly more than four would be too many.

So there you have it! The members of the Avengers will be appearing in THE AVENGERS! I can’t really say this is news at all considering we’ve basically known this since it was announced, but I guess people who cared about Vision and the rest of the scrub Avengers will be disappointed. Though it is still early and you never know if you’re favorite uninteresting character will be shoehorned in at the last minute. Good luck!

Everything Is Cooler On A Chain.

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009

If you’re like the billions of other people in the world who love democracy, then (odds are) you also love ninjas. It’s totally cool, you can admit it; you’re among friends. It’s hard to figure out why ninjas are so awesome. Perhaps it’s the fact that they have that whole “mysterious” thing going for them or perhaps it’s because they get to wear pajamas 24/7 and I have to wear these itchy khakis that are always riding up. Regardless, to appease our ninja hunger comes the redundantly titled film NINJA ASSASSIN and the trailer from MTV. If you are allergic to throwing stars, you may not want to watch.

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

You may also enjoy this poster if you wish.

What do you mean we have to take another picture?!  I do one take!

What do you mean we have to take another picture?! I do one take!

If I’m ever put into a kind of “Thunderdomesque” competition, I’m going to bungee jump for the “ice-pick on the end of a chain” last, but that’s just me. On the whole, I think I’m going to dig this movie, though I have some reservations about the apparent overuse of CG effects. I like CG effects when they make sense, but I just don’t see the need to digitally put an ice-pick on the end of a chain when you could just have a dude swing an ice-pick on the end of a chain.

I’m also a little weary about the story. From my exhaustive research (it involved finding the movies website and then going to that website) I learned that the movie starts out awesome enough with an orphan becoming a ninja and killing dudes. And then his friend is killed by his ninja buddies so he goes on the lamb from his ninja clan (rhyming). But that’s when the movie seems to start throwing crap up on the screen to see what sticks. There’s apparently some police lady who is investigating all the ninja assassinations and the ninjas don’t like that so they try to kill her and our good ninja conveniently saves her and together they take down the ninja clan. That just seems so tacked on to me. Why does our hero need more motivation beyond just “I want to get revenge for my friend?” Now his motivation is “I want to get revenge for my friend, save this stranger that I just met and take down the evil ninja group that I only found out was evil when they killed my friend but was cool with before that.” It just seems like an unnecessary subplot that was created to make the movie more marketable to female audiences which is a stupid idea when you name your movie NINJA ASSASSIN.

Castlevania Rises Again.

Tuesday, July 28th, 2009

It would appear that even the almighty is not enough to stem the evil that is Paul W.S. Anderson and his minions. You may recall this story from way back in May about CASTLEVANIA being put down and the rejoicing that followed. Unfortunately, it has risen again with James Wan as the director and co-writer. This news is courtesy of Bloody Disgusting.

Wan’s previous directing efforts include SAW and DEAD SILENCE, which means that I’ve never seen a James Wan movie. I think I can safely say that even after CASTLEVANIA hits theaters, I still wouldn’t have seen a James Wan movie.

Anderson Is Still A Resident.

Tuesday, July 28th, 2009

Well, I’m almost caught up with all the news that slipped through the cracks last week, which (if you’re keeping track) is a good thing. This bit of news comes from Production Weekly, and tells us that director/writer/lover Paul W.S. Anderson will direct RESIDENT EVIL: AFTERLIFE. This will be the fourth film in the RESIDENT EVIL series…if you can believe it.

Anderson directed the first RESIDENT EVIL when it was actually taking place at a residence. He was only a writer and producer on the two sequels. This latest movie is said to be the start of another trilogy…sorry.

I can honestly say that I can’t really remember all that much about the first three RESIDENT EVIL’s besides the fact that they weren’t all that good. The first one was alright in a goofy kind of way, but they stretched the same joke out for two more movies and it got worse and worse, until my brain decided that it wasn’t worth its time to actually remember any of it and shut down. I don’t think AFTERLIFE has much of a chance at being, what I like to call, “good.”

How To Craft War.

Sunday, July 26th, 2009

Having not gotten enough “mom’s basement” cred with the world’s nerd population by directing SPIDER-MAN, Sam Raimi has signed up to direct the upcoming movie based on the WARCRAFT video-games. If you’re greedy for more details you’re going to be disappointed…sorry. That’s all the information we have right now. Director…Sam Raimi.

It’s not a bad choice, as Raimi is a solid director. I’m not sure if the material suits him very well though. I would expect the Warcraft movie to be more in-line with the LORD OF THE RINGes than the EVIL DEADs. I’m not saying he can’t make a good movie, but the only large-scale battle sequences he’s ever made were in ARMY OF DARKNESS and they were a joke, a hilarious joke, but a joke nonetheless.

Please just make sure that this movie has owl-monsters that grind it out. That’s all I ask.

Be Like Water.

Sunday, July 26th, 2009

A few days ago, it was announced that a biopic about Bruce Lee was being put into production in China. The kicking and hurting will be spaced out over three movies as is everything now-a-days. The only person attached right now is Tony Leung Ka-fai who will be playing Lee’s father.

This is extremely welcome news to anyone who enjoys breathing. I enjoyed DRAGON: THE BRUCE LEE STORY as much as the next man, but that movie never seemed as complete as it should have been. Hopefully these new movies will fill in the gaps a little bit better. Of course, I’m also hoping for a fair amount of ass kicking and bird-like screaming. You really can’t make a good movie about Bruce Lee without having good action since the man was defined by his ability to fight. Color me anxious.

Welcome To The Sword Show.

Sunday, July 26th, 2009

To start the movie-going publics salivary glands producing hunger juices in anticipation of their film PRINCE OF PERSIA: THE SANDS OF TIME, Disney has tossed out a few picture morsels to the internet. The first two are of the main characters, the Prince (looking very regal in his leather muscle-shirt) played by Jake Gyllenhaal and his love interest played by Gemma Arterton. They come from Empire.

I wear a sash because I got sass.

I wear a sash because I got sass.

Who ate the last eclair...

Who ate the last eclair...

And coming from Coming Soon, we have a picture of Ben Kingsley doing his best to keep from giggling.

Is my beard evil enough?

Is my beard evil enough?

This movie confuses me. I know that all video-game movies are terrible, but this looks like it could be alright. It’s still really early so I’m gonna stick with my gut and say that it will be terrible. The numbers just don’t lie.

I’ll Form The Head.

Thursday, July 23rd, 2009

I remember reading something last year about a live-action VOLTRON movie being put together, and then…bupkiss. “It’s probably for the best,” I pondered to myself one day when I realized that the project seemed to have gone belly-up. “At least now there won’t be a huge, flying lame-ball that will taint my pleasant childhood memories of robotic lions and the villains who hated them.”

But woe is me this day, as news of the movies revival have sprung from The Risky Biz Blog. Some company called Atlas Entertainment is starting the ball rolling again after some people that I’ve never heard of bought up the rights.

The last thing I remember hearing about the VOLTRON movie was that it was going to take place in Manhattan and feature a bunch of jive-talking. Needless to say, it was stupid. I’m really hoping that these new people do some reworking on their story to make it less generic. I mean, seriously, why does everything take place in New York City? I’ve been to NYC, it’s not that great. Get over it! Besides, there’s more inconspicuous places to hide your five giant robotic lions that merge into one gianter (?) humanoid than in the middle of the biggest damn city in the world. And besides, how many facilities in New York actually have the kind of space necessary to create something that big? None of them, because any actual building-of-things is never done in big cities; it’s done in factories that are in suburbs because that’s where the “space for factories” is. So what did these robotic lion builders do? Did they secretly construct gigantic robotic lions somewhere in Indiana, then secretly transport them into New York City and then secretly hide them in a u-haul storage facility because the designer wanted them accessible via the subway from his “flat.” That must be it; never mind, I solved the plot-hole.