Archive for April, 2009

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Back To Ithaca.

Sunday, April 26th, 2009

I can honestly say that I have never read The Odyssey. I attempted to read The Iliad once, but I got pretty bored pretty quick, put it down and moved on with my life. Well, Warner Bros. will be helping out people like me who enjoy the idea of Odysseus and his adventures but don’t like the execution, by making the movie ODYSSEUS. Some joker named Jonathan Liebesman is directing…I kid, I’m sure he’s a lovely man…or not, I’m tired. Read Hollywood Reporter.

I guess the movie is a sequel to The Odyssey. After fighting Trojans and stuff, Odysseus returns home to Ithaca to find some jerks have rolled into his crib and taken it over. It’s up to our hero (that’s Odysseus) to single-handedly kill everyone and take back his stuff. This is a solid synopsis; I especially enjoy the “kill everyone” part. I mean, that’s pretty deep, I hope I can keep up.

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The Bioshocker.

Sunday, April 26th, 2009

The weirdo’s over at Variety are saying that the “doomed to failure” video-game based movie BIOSHOCK has been put on hold because it will cost Universal a butt-load of money to make. The bean-counters are still looking to get this thing made with Gore Verbinski directing, but only if they can find a way to trim the fat.

If you haven’t played the game, it was about a guy who crashes his plane near a secret entrance that leads to an underwater city where steroid use is rampant and super-powers are only a syringe away. There are also big guys in diving suits and little girls who scream a lot. It was a pretty good game; the atmosphere was good and the action was entertaining, but there was also a lot of wandering around in the dark and pretty lame moral decisions that didn’t really affect anything.

Could it be a good movie? Sure. Will it? No.

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Here Come The Predators.

Friday, April 24th, 2009

Variety is reporting that professional film director Robert Rodriguez has written a reboot of PREDATOR, titled PREDATORS, which will probably have more than one Predator and not be as good as the original.

If you’re five or lame, PREDATOR is one of the best movies ever made. It stars Arnold as the badass leader of a badass group of commandoes who battle a badass alien in the jungles of South America…badassly. I honestly don’t understand why Mr. Rodriguez would make a remake (it won’t compare to the original) instead of a sequel. I mean, the sequel was basically unconnected anyway. They could just put a Predator in a new setting and send him on the hunt and you have your movie. That might still be what they’re going to do, but there’s just not that much information out yet. I just hope it doesn’t suck or have Danny Glover in it.

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Brings Back Memories Of My 22nd Birthday.

Friday, April 24th, 2009

A new picture from the set of CENTURION was given to Empire in an effort to make people care. Behold its blue-filtered goodness below.

I didn't know it was your pie!

I didn't know it was your pie!

I enjoy the heroes medieval khakis. At least I assume he’s the hero…come to think of it, I thought this movie was about some mute chick with super-powers. Maybe the running guy is one of the villains who’s about to get his comeuppance?

One thing I like about this picture is the complete disinterest showed by the guys on the horses. Just look at how bored they are as they chase after this shirtless fellow. Maybe they’re not looking to harm him, maybe he dropped his wallet and they’re just trying to return it. Either way, if they don’t care about the chase, why should I?

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Put On The Gloves.

Tuesday, April 21st, 2009

Variety is reporting that the movie THE FIGHTER has been given a second round (boxing humor). This was originally going to be made by Darren Aronofsky, but stuff happened and feelings were hurt so Darren went and made THE WRESTLER instead. But, like Soda Popinski, the film has risen from the mat thanks to director David O. Russell. Also hopping on board the fighting train is Christian “I Am In Everything” Bale. It was originally going to star Mark Wahlberg…and it will still star Mark Wahlberg.

The story is about a boxer who manages to work his way up to a title fight thanks to his screw-up brother, who is able to ignite his fighting spirit with put-downs meant to inspire or something like that…it should be good.

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How To Milk A Hobbit.

Tuesday, April 21st, 2009

Back last year, the plan was to make a movie of THE HOBBIT and to make a second movie that would serve as a bridge between the previously mentioned movie and THE LORD OF THE RINGS titled THE LORD OF THE WALLET, which I always assumed would be two hours of Bilbo stroking a ring in his hobbit hole.

Well forget that junk says Peter Jackson and Guillermo del Toro! They’ve decided instead to just make THE HOBBIT two movies. It’s win/win for everyone. The film makers will still be able to fill a swimming pool with money and the nerds will be able to see things like the White Council and an old man riding a horse to-and-from different places. This is from Empire.

As a side note, I’m not fool enough to believe that they’ve completely trashed the idea of making a bridge movie. It’s too big of a “money vacuum” to not do. But I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

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Lots Of Running And Explosions…Bliss.

Sunday, April 19th, 2009

Now I know this news is terribly old…like a full week, but my excitement for THE EXPENDABLES is so large and powerful I am forced to post it anyway. Movieweb were the lucky jerks that got the first official pictures from the above mentioned movie. They have a total of three…two of them have running and violence and the other has Stallone and Statham getting ready for a fishing competition. This one is by far the best.


AAUUHHHHHHH!

AAUUHHHHHHH!

That’s just classic Stallone right there. The run, the gun and the ridiculous facial expression…it’s all there. Is it still too early to hand out Oscars? It is? Damn.

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Wolverine On Film.

Sunday, April 19th, 2009

I don’t know if you’ve heard yet, but there’s a movie coming out called X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE, which stars the veiniest star in Hollywood, Hugh Jackman. Well, some new stills from the movie have been given to Comic Book Resources from Fox. Click the previous link to see them.

This one is probably my favorite out of the bunch.

Where's you bulge, Mr. Cowboy?

Where's your bulge, Mr. Cowboy?

These two guys have some really rockin’ belt buckles. I don’t have a clue where they are or what they are doing, but their hardware is impressive.

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*UPDATED UPDATE* Heavy Metal Pants.

Saturday, April 18th, 2009

It looks like the ultra smelly people over at Paramount have gone on a link-killing-spree. I’ve decided to just not bother updating the embed anymore, but if you want to check out the clip you can just head to this Chinese link.

The smelly people over at Vimeo decided to play a game of “MINE” with the internet and killed the embed in this snippet. Apparently it’s their first time “surfing the web” and don’t realize that people can just get their links from a zillion other places and avoid giving them any secondary traffic. I’ve decided to use Youtube. Continue to enjoy.

Thanks to the people over at Vimeo, we can all see a montage of action, metal and robot tears from TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN. Do you want some advice? (Of course you do) Just go ahead and skip to 1:35…trust me.

It looks a lot like the first TRANSFORMERS, which was alright. The action was quick and entertaining (though a little confusing), but the rest of it was awful. Way to much comic relief and useless characters who got into useless situations that took away from the main conflict; that being the giant robots and their fight over…whatever it was they were fighting over.

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More X.

Friday, April 17th, 2009

In the time-honored tradition of making movie sequels that actually take place before the events of the original movie, Fox Studios has decided to tell the story of the first mutants to learn about super-heroing and love from Professor X before they were all killed off in X3. The script for X-MEN: FIRST CLASS is being written by the creator of GOSSIP GIRLS, an ill omen if ever there was one.

The only hope that I have for this movie is that they really have fun with it. If they’re going to keep with the timeline of the first X-MEN, this should take place in the late 80’s or early 90’s; so they should do stuff like have Beast get one of those two-story square hair-do’s and listen to Kid and Play while Cyclops walks around in his Michael Jackson jacket.

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