Archive for March, 2009

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The Battle As Scripted.

Sunday, March 29th, 2009

A while ago, Sony Pictures got a script from some guy calling himself Chris Bertolini (like anyone reading this right now hasn’t gone by Chris Bertolini at one point or another). The script was for a real “thinking mans” action movie called BATTLE: LOS ANGELES about an alien invasion that (for once) doesn’t occur in New York City. They even had Aaron Eckhart signed on to play a marine captain who I hope will be equal parts introspective and hard-nosed. Also, Jonathan Liebesman will direct. I know; I’m excited too.

Well, it seems that someone didn’t like the script very much even though everyone in the world signed on to bring it to life. So Sony brought in Scott Silver to rewrite it with either more or less talking. This article over at The Hollywood Reporter isn’t very clear on that.

Honestly, I don’t think I’m going to remember that the idea for this movie even existed until it actually comes to theaters. Not that the one-sentence synopsis isn’t fantastic, but…ummm…ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

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I Don’t Feel So Old Now.

Sunday, March 29th, 2009

Warner Bros. will be releasing the film METHUSELAH, which will eventually be written and directed by James Watkins. Thanks a lot Variety.

The movie will be about a man who ages very slowly and over the years he has learned a lot of survival techniques and stuff. Now I know what you’re saying, “do they really need the “old dude” hook for this? Couldn’t they just have a guy that ages normally be good at living?” Well sure they could, but then it would just be a James Bond movie and then they’d have to pay royalties and stuff. It’s better for everyone if they just throw in a useless gimmick and have stuff blow up.

It’s really too early to judge this though, I mean, it’s barely on paper. Maybe it’ll be in the future too! Now that’s uncharted territory. Perhaps a bleak future where everyone is homeless and it rains all the time. Also, everything is either black or blue and sometimes both…I’m just trying to help.

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That’s Why I Don’t Go Out At The Dead Of Night.

Sunday, March 29th, 2009

Professional actor Taye Diggs has been added to the cast of the movie DEAD OF NIGHT. I think by reading the title you’ve probably guessed that the movie has something to do with vampires; well pat yourself on the back or get a close friend to smack your bottom, because you are correct. Diggs will be playing the lead vampire and will be evil, two great tastes that taste great together. This information is courtesy of Shock Till You Drop.

The movie stars a tights-less Brandon Routh as a Louisiana detective named Dylan Dog who is approached by a woman who claims her husband was killed by a monster-movie monster. It also has Sam Huntington in it as Superman’s sidekick.

After a small amount of research, I have learned that these Dylan Dog stories are based off of some Italian comic books by someone named Tiziano Sclavi. I’ve never read them and probably never will, but I like Routh and enjoy movies where people battle overused monsters, so color me interested.

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Adding To The Five Killers.

Sunday, March 29th, 2009

The Hollywood Reporter is reporting (and I’m inclined to believe them) that Tom Selleck, Catherine O’Hara and Martin Mull have joined the cast of the action/comedy movie FIVE KILLERS. That’s right, Tom “Magnum P.I.” Selleck!

It apparently stars Ashton Kutcher as a hitman who falls in love (as hitmen are prone to do) and then decides to leave his crowd-pleasing life of action and adventure. Later on he finds out that someone has put a hit out on him and hilarity ensues. The badassness of Quigley is completely wasted as the mandatory overprotective father of the girl who took the hit out of the hitman.

I’m just gonna say this right now, this movie would be better if Kutcher played a young version of the man-who-kills-for-money and Selleck played him later in life when the final hit is put out. And I’m not just saying that because Tom Selleck is much cooler than Ashton Kutcher, I’m saying it because Tom Selleck is much much much cooler than Ashton Kutcher.

The other two additions to the cast play roles also, but I don’t care about them.

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Asia Keeps Making Trailers.

Sunday, March 22nd, 2009

Oh boy! Here’s another new trailer from our neighbors to the extreme east. This one is from some guy named Kazuaki Kiriya who previously made a movie called CASSHERN which I didn’t know existed until a few moments ago. The new one is called GOEMON and if you enjoy people flying around, bondage masks and the color brown you will love this trailer.

I don’t have the slightest idea what is going on in this thing. I think the bondage dude from the beginning is secretly a Zorro-type character by night that is hated by the other guy who he sword fights with, because he gave his girl to the big fat guy who then took her to Never Never Land. And there’s also the Guyver for good measure. I don’t know if Mark Hamill is in this (the trailer doesn’t make that, or anything else, clear) but I hope he is. There’s never enough Mark Hamill for my tastes.

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This One’s Pretty Self-Explanatory.

Sunday, March 22nd, 2009

It’s been at least a few days since I’ve seen a trailer with enough testosterone to copy onto my little slice of the internet, but today I have found a winner. Except it’s testosterone by way of estrogen; I give you the aptly named HIGH KICK GIRL. I think it was made in Asia…enjoy!

I don’t think the filmmakers had much money to throw around for this one, so they decided to just throw people around instead. I am fine with that. As an American with absolutely no understanding of any foreign language, I think I can safely say that this movie is about a girl who enjoys Karate and cheap-shots who runs afoul of the cast of THE MATRIX and must rely on her uncanny ability to get kicked in the face to save the world from their evil sequels. She also performs the mandatory Bruce Lee pose after using some nunchuks (sign of quality).

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MacGuyver To The Big Screen.

Friday, March 20th, 2009

I don’t know how I missed the news from a week back, but it’s just too awesome to ignore. It seems that New Line Cinemas wants to make a big screen version of the 80’s T.V. show MACGUYVER, according to The Hollywood Reporter.

If you don’t know of the exploits of MacGuyver; he’s a secret agent who refuses to use guns and instead gets out of the trap of the week by using some kind of science/wizardry to create a bomb out of toothpaste and pocket lint. It starred Richard Dean Anderson and his hair…they were both fabulous.

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*UPDATE*Someones Been Expended.*UPDATE*

Friday, March 20th, 2009

UPDATE
Well, it seems that Sly didn’t have as much confidence in Mr. Cent as he originally put out there. According to Ain’t It Cool News again, 50 has been pulled from THE EXPENDABLES for the equally uninteresting pick of some guy named Terry Crews. I hope there is someone out there who can tell me whether this is a good choice or not because I don’t watch EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS.

In what can only be described as subtraction by subtraction then addition, Forest Whitaker has had to drop out of THE EXPENDABLES because some shooting delays have caused conflicts with his schedule.  But fear not, says Sly, he’s lined up someone just as good as the previously mentioned Oscar winner…50 Cent…the rapper.  This news is via Ain’t It Cool News.

I shouldn’t be too hard on ole 50 Cent, I’m sure he’s a lovely chap.  And to be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him attempt to act.  I think I will just have to cling to my faith in Stallone like I cling to the last donut in the box.

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Those Crazy Romans.

Tuesday, March 17th, 2009

A very blue picture has been given to Empire from the new movie CENTURION starring Olga Kurylenko who was in the latest James Bond movie which I didn’t bother to see.  She plays a female Conan/Daredevil hybrid who has her village slaughtered by Romans (standing in for James Earl Jones) and also has her tongue cut out (standing in for having radioactive waste dumped in her eyes) which gives her super-senses.  Here she is; looking confused and cold.

Everyone loves a blue filter.

Everyone loves a blue filter.

The film is being directed by Neil Marshall which probably means something to somebody.  Reading the article this picture is attached to is pretty fun.  I especially enjoy this tidbit from the director:

Because one sense is not there – she can’t speak – all the others are more developed. She sees very well and hears very well: she is an animal!

I don’t remember 1st grade Biology to well, but I don’t think speaking is a sense. Tasting is, but if I burn my taste buds on hot soup, I can’t suddenly hear my dog fart in the other room…even though I might smell it, but that’s not because I have super-powers.  I guess that’s just the magic of cinema.

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Japanese Spider-Man Is Go.

Tuesday, March 17th, 2009

Because it is the coolest thing they could think of, Marvel has posted up some episodes of the Japanese T.V. show simply titled JAPANESE SPIDER-MAN. In what is considered by many to be the crown jewel of all of television anywhere, motorcycle racer Takuya Yamashiro gets the powers of Spider-Man as well as a giant robot (potentially bitten by a radioactive robot-spider) and goes on to defeat Professor Monster whom, I assume, is a professor of something (perhaps literature) who is turned into a monster or a monster who studies really hard and avoids partying at the local Sorority on Friday nights so he can get his degree and start his teaching career.

Enjoy more of the same at this link.

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